Browse Professor Quotes

If it was spelled with two 'M's, then the language would be too easy and everyone could learn it!
-Professor Nolden, German 102
—(On German spelling)
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half is good... luckily, it's not difficult.
—Charlotte Whitton
Here's what's mind-boggling and I hope it makes you angry...
—Professor L, Quantum Mechanics.
There are probably people who have true love, but they're boring...they're paragons of mental health who are of no interest to us.
—Professor Wink - Systems of Psychotherapy
Organic Chemistry to me is still the chemistry of the goddesses. But you're all goddesses so it should be fine
—Prof. Haines
Deep squeak.
—Made three of us in the alto section of collegium break out into giggles during a practice of "O gloriosa domina."
There's sort of a don't ask, don't tell policy going on in quantum mechanics.

—Professor L, Quantum Mechanics
Let's get down to the meat of this, or, for you vegetarians out there, the chickpeas. . .
—Professor Fisher
Those who believe in intelligent design have not studied adolescents.
—Professor Konstan, Ancient Comedy and its Influence
Those who believe in intelligent design have not studied adolescents.
—Professor Konstan, Classics 40: Ancient Comedy and its Influence
One of the goals of education: to convert people into machines.
—Professor Menon, Applied Math 136: Topics in Chaotic Dynamics
One of the goals of education: to convert people into machines.
—Professor Menon, Applied Math 136: Topics in Chaotic Dynamics
This is not Burger King anymore. You cannot have it your way!
—Kathy Wears, LW270, has finally had it with the class
This is not Burger King anymore. You cannot have it your way!
—Kathy Wears, has finally had it with the class
Is it possible for the value of someone's skills to diminish? Of course it is if your skills become unneeded like if you only watch tv or if you're a business major. No one here's a business major right?
—Professor Siqueira when explaining the importance of human capital.
I'm sure you can teach yourselves better than I can.
—Dr. Dempsey MA 132
...separate them by a condom... comma. Not a condom, a comma. Little Freudian slip, there. Real Freudian slip.
—Professor Hosack traumatizes his class.
...separate them by a condom... comma. Not a condom, a comma. Little Freudian slip, there. Real Freudian slip.
—Bryan Hosack traumatizes his MG284 class.
You don't get on your knees when you are in a position of power.
—Professor Lange - Great Ideas
Some people say having cholesterol is bad... that is BULL SHIT!...
—Professor Aguirre discussing lipids
Some people say having cholesterol is bad... that is BULL SHIT!...
—Professor Aguirre discussing lipids in BY153
Have I told you about the narrative striptease? Narratives are like striptease acts: you wait and wait, but you know eventually there'll be a payoff.
—Professor Faber, COMM313
Have I told you about the narrative striptease? Narratives are like striptease acts: you wait and wait, but you know eventually there'll be a payoff.
—Professor Faber
I'm teaching my students how to be unemployed- I'm teaching them Philosophy.
—Professor Robinson
I'm teaching my students how to be unemployed- I'm teaching them Philosophy.
—Professor Chris Robinson, LP301: Political Theory
Socrates was known as a man who liked little boys.
—Professor Fairbanks, GFI, while discussing the Socratic dialogue.
Socrates was known as a man who liked little boys.
—Professor Fairbanks, while discussing the Socratic dialogue.
It's better to have journalists on the inside of the tent pissing out than on the outside pissing in, which is what they usually do. ... I hope that doesn't make the Daily Jolt.
—Professor West, discussing the military's approach to press relations during the Iraq war, Political Science 111: Mass Media
Let's calculate the force it takes to tip a cow over-- God knows that's why you took this class.
—Professor Valles, Physics 3
What happened in the 1980's? Does anyone know? 1980s? Crack cocaine happened.
—Professor Anna Aizer, EC 131: Labor Economics
That's the thing about Dickens, he can sum up a character in a sentence. The way they walk, the way they talk...haha, that sounds like the start of a terrible pop song.
—Professor Burrows, on characterization in fiction, and why Dickens does it better than the Americans.
That's the thing about Dickens, he can sum up a character in a sentence. The way they walk, the way they talk...haha, that sounds like the start of a terrible pop song.
—Professor Stuart Burrows in EL 151 on characterization in fiction, and why Dickens does it better than the Americans.
It's like having unprotected sex with everyone in Rhode Island.
—Professor Stanford, CS002: referring to what it was like not to have antivirus software
It's like having unprotected sex with everyone in Rhode Island.
—Professor Stanford, referring to what it was like not to have antivirus software
Where does money come from? I feel like a biology teacher explaining where babies come from. Well, the process is not the same. It's not nearly as painful... or as pleasant...
—Professor Borts, subbing for Econ 11, on the creation of money
Where does money come from? I feel like a biology teacher explaining where babies come from. Well, the process is not the same. It's not nearly as painful... or as pleasant...
—Professor Borts, on the creation of money
I'm a vigilante, like Batman. I save babies from alligators, and shit like that.
—Prof. Hill, explaining why students shouldn't call him late on Thursdays
I'm a vigilante, like Batman. I save babies from alligators, and shit like that.
—Prof. Chris Hill, PL175: Epistemology, explaining why students shouldn't call him late on Thursdays
Physics without calculus is like sex with yourself. You can do it, but it just isn't the same.
—Robert Crockett about complaint about too much calculus with physics
Most students in my psych 333 class find my taste in this matter rather puzzling, but guess who defines reality in this situation.
—Paul Wink, clinical assessment class (psych 333); telling us about an article that he likes a lot
A lot of us have had crushes on our first cousins in high school, though, let me tell you.
—Professor Buchholtz, Bio 202, discussion of inbreeding
When you have a monkey sealed up in a wooden crate, and the only hole in the crate is a pinhole, will you see the monkey? No. But the eye of the monkey will be staring at YOU! Haha!
—another take on Schrondingers Cat...(its a Quantum Mechanics thing)
This method is good for seeing how things scale, but I don't recommend it for balancing your checkbook.
—Professor L, Quantum Mechanics
It is NOT okay to cut up skateboard kids.
—Professor Bittner, Philosophy 106
You know how it was in high school. There were always five anorexic girls that got asked out.
—Prof. Saenz
Still waters run deep, but dont jump in - you might hit a rock.
—Professor Cheek, Psychology of Shyness.

If you go to the grocery store and see college students in the twelve items or less line with clearly more than twelve items, the ones who cant read are the MIT students, and the ones who cant count are the Harvard students.
—Professor James Kodera (History of Chinese Thought)
If you're having trouble thinking of something to write, turn off the computer and have a drink. Not alcohol of course! Umm, have a milkshake.
—Professor DeWarren, Phenemology and Existentialism

I:Yea, I think if I were older I would go for Conan O'Brian.
C:You mean if you were older and female.
I: No, just older.
—conversation between Christina Sanchez and a male friend who would rather remain unknown. :-)

I'm going to go throw myself in front of the Senate bus.
—Prof. Randall Colaizzi (CLCV), after making a mistake in Greek class

I do not subscribe to the blue butt theory.
—Monica Byrne taken totally out of context

I like my prime rib to walk to the table.
—Nicole Keane on how rare she likes her red meat
You can reuse space, but you can't reuse time.
—Randy Shull